Monday, August 18, 2014

Loss Update and Playland

Thanks to all family, friends and strangers online and real life for the warm messages i've received. I love reading about your own personal stories about loss, feelings, and life thereafter.  Through your messages, i felt well supported and loved. Through my blog post, I'm glad i was able to be a voice so women are not left to endure this difficult time in silence. Hugs to all of you!

As for me, emotionally i've been status quo. my quietest moments are just before Max wakes up in the morning and i used those times earlier in the week to reflect (pinterest really helped with quotes and linking to other experiences!). I also watched a tagalog chick flick and the sum of it all was a good cathartic cry; about decisions made, guilt, what ifs, and what could have been. During the day, I found great joy in being with Max and watching him play and have fun. Even though i lost one, i still have a healthy, happy, loving ONE that holistically gives me more than I could ever ask for. I am so thankful for him! Physically i had a great week with only light bleeding (I'm prepared to have a whopper period when the time comes). My HCG levels have gone from 1500 to 1100 to now 800 mIU/ml. My set back was yesterday, I was hospitalized (via 911) for excruciating pelvic pain and sacral pressure beyond tolerability. I gave birth naturally sans drugs and my body has a high pain tolerance level... i couldn't cope with yesterday's intense pain, i wanted and needed drugs! even though the results of yesterday's workup was inconclusive, the doctor gave me his personal cell phone number to contact him if i felt worse because he "just couldn't figure out what was wrong" and "thought about my case a lot because [he] was worried." Ive also been referred to some BC Women's Hospital program, thank you Canada for cultivating such fantastic physicians and for having accessible health care!

(update: the pain was from a ruptured ectopic pregnancy!)

On a lighter note, here are some pics of Max and I's date the day after my miscarriage. Just Max and I (he's finally tall enough!), no line ups, perfect weather, laughs, junk food, and fun. Just so thankful!

^^ i just love it when it's not extremely busy! ^^

^^ the only thing Max was scared of this day was the blue pipe they used to measure height ^^

^^ natural sailor!! ^^

^^ it's so true that as you get older, the less one is able to tolerate rides. just looking at this ride already gave me motion sickness! in fact, even a simple playground swing makes me nauseated lol  when i was younger, i remember going on any and all rides without any after effects. ^^

^^ he said this ride was "too rough" ^^

^^ his most favourite ride ever! as you can see we went on all the colours and didn't even have to get off. did i mention how much i love play land because there were no line ups? sweet! ^^

It's August 18th! where does the time go?! 
Hope you're having a great summer.


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