Thursday, July 25, 2013

End of My Breastfeeding Journey

On July 15th Max officially took his last breastfeed. Our journey has ended and i'm not really sure what to make of it!

^^ i only have 1 breastfeeding picture, one tangible evidence (besides a healthy child) that breastfeeding occurred! This obviously isn't it as i'd like to keep it private, but here he's nuzzled against my bosom, close enough! ;op ^^

I have to say that i was much more prepared this time around than when it happened at this time. i dont even feel all too sad about it, more like acceptance and that we entered a new era in our relationship. As the end drew near, his minutes on the breast were less than 4 minutes (if even that) and there were even times when i felt like i was forcing him to breastfeed. it really stopped feeling like a beautiful moment when your kid is angry that you're shoving something in his face! Read some of our breastfeeding moments herehere, and here.

it's kind of strange that it happened during my vacation when i actually had consistency in his routine vs. my work schedule where he would go without for 48 hours.  ah, it was time. Im glad that he decided vs. my deciding it was time to stop. honestly, my goal was to do it for as long as he wanted it, but i saw the stop age in years (2? 3? 4?) instead of in months time. one thing that surprised me was that my body adjusted without incident. Even now, 10 days after our journey ended, and with a return-to-work schedule that i thought would trigger a return of wanting to feed, my body is just as normal as ever. No breastROCKS, no leaking, no pain, some tingling that occured once, but really- back to pre-baby breasts (though i do have a hard time remembering what those were like) and normal bras. thanks Max for weaning me off slowly:  physically..mentally...and emotionally! 

our bed time replacement has been filled with tantrums. 18 months - an early start to the 'terrible two's' i suppose. My theory is that he is just advanced and therefore will be a brilliant child hehe. But aside from the lack of love of bed time routine, we've had more time to just quietly cuddle and do our rocking/slow dancing to woo to sleep. If i can no longer snuggle him in a breastfeeding position, the alternative is now me holding him, his chin/cheek to my shoulder and just slow dancing on the spot. can you picture it? despite us sweating secondary to the heat, it's pretty sweet, tender, and quiet- the perfect recipe for bedtime. though i do miss those sounds of gulping, the feeling of slow suckles, and heck even the choking from my high flow supply, both of us now have new normals and more opportunities to show each other our love. 

 January 19, 2012 - July 15, 2013 xoxo


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