Friday, May 27, 2016

What Keeps me Sane-ish? Life Lately

I'm running on empty most days as sleep deprivation is no longer acute but running on chronic.

Mikkel cries out every.faqing.hour to heck even every 30-45 minutes over night because she's teething? maybe? and since i'm cosleeping with both and not wanting to wake #1 (who wants 2 cranky kids right?), i gotta pick the baby and myself up and move to the living room and try to sleep on the crappy cushioned couch that is so uncomfortable.

The faqing cat is all happy and curious why we're in the living room that it's jumping on the couch, meowing back and forth, moving here and there totally stimulating Mikkel when I want her to go to sleep. I often wish I have/had something to throw at him.

Max's tantrums are increasing in frequency; last night's for one because I manually turned his movie on using the DVD buttons when he wanted me to turn it on using the MISSING REMOTE.... grrr....

Like I say to every nurse-ling and nurse out there, "you gotta take care of yourself before you take care of other people." right? Here's what keeping me sane(ish) lately, taking it one day at a time.
  1. Coffee- i'm a coffee green horn. I start my day off (sometimes days don't actually end because I'm up every.faqing.hour from 12am yada yada yada) with 2 tablespoons of hot chocolate mix, 1 tablespoon of instant original roast coffee, and milk. I was never skeptical of coffee, but now I see and feel its power. Need it.
  2. Max's biology CD- his class learns a science subject every month and it's accompanied by music to which they perform at the end of every month. I really like the music and the lyrics as they're well written and catchy. I may have learned something or two as well. 
  3. Sunshine- when the week's weather looks hot, too hot for the month, I'm charged up and have plans to order food, visit family, keep kids on schedule, walk long distances, and do a crap load of stuff. When the forecast is bleak, i'm like 'is my computer fully charged?'
  4. Youtube Videos- i love watching youtube channels of people with Luxury handbag collections, reviews, unboxing. Living vicariously but also because if I were to choose to afford something, it would be beautiful bags! Which leads me to the next activity...
  5. Online shopping- the internet just makes it way too easy to shop online and return without hassle. somehow looking/touching an item that has a $100 price tag makes you think twice, but a $1000 price tag on a luxury good item that I can't touch (ebay, consignment, official luxury sites) seems like a good deal, especially when it's preloved.
  6. Creating wardrobe capsules- something about writing down the clothes I have for the season and mix/matching outerwear-pants-tops-shoes in different combinations is really fun for me. I like to say, "i have nothing to wear" a lot so the fact that I actually know what's in my closet and saving money instead of buying clothes makes me feel good. Thanks Pinterest for the endless outfit inspos! 
  7. Writing in my agenda- i feel more organized and in control of my time- control of something! Something I can look forward to and prepare for.
  8. High Waisted Jeans- just bought jeans that tuck everything in. I wear them often
  9. Play dates- hanging out with other friends babies? yes please! Nursing friends with babies? unfiltered chatter and of course, people who understand shift work and the challenges involved when you are away from your exclusively breastfed child for more than 14 hours a day x 4 days/week
  10. Watching the Social- i don't watch the show everyday, but every time I do I learn something from their debates. It's really how I stay current on the news nowadays too. Four intelligent and funny women with different perspectives, they're young and they don't all agree- love it!
  11. Tasty, Taste Made, Buzzfeed Food videos on your FB feed- WTF do i make for dinner this week? oh thanks for the ideas! Although I spend more time watching instead of recreating.
  12. Comfort food- diet Coke, diet pepsi, peanut M&M's, giant Superstore chocolate muffins, Pepperoncini flavoured chips, mojo's from Safeway, sushi with extra ginger and spicy mayo
  13. Funny Stuff on the Internet- love reading the comments section on anything. Meme's, some-ecards, spoofs, trolling, celebrity gossip etc.
  14. Going to the mall or Superstore with 1 child- 2 kids are too much to haul, especially as Vancouver isn't very wheel friendly. I like to hit the mall when someone is about to nap...peace and quiet! shopping is so therapeutic, there's absolute truth in retail therapy
  15. Organizing my drawers/files/clothes/stuff- Purging and organizing constantly. Feels like I can breathe. Even in condo living, there's always something
  16. Spontaneous picnics with the kids- something about bringing all the kids outside and sitting on a blanket while eating a meal is an instafix for restlessness and irritability- for the entire troop! 
  17. since there are some big moves happening in my family, i love looking at what's available and what's there for sale in the real estate market. So many beautifully furnished apartments and when there are open houses close to me, love going to those too to snoop around and get some ideas for my place
  18. Instagram/Snapchat/Facebook- updates, inspiration, current events, household swaps, pretty pictures etc
  19. Smitten Kitchen (via Instagram) and Pioneer Woman (via Food Network)- my sis introduced me to these two cooks, recipes are so yummy and easy. Pictures are beautiful and true to your own result. It feels good to add something new to the menu options at least once a month. When a 4 y/o eats it, and bits and pieces are also baby approved; win win!
  20. Overlapping sleep hours- there's an overlap in my day where Max, Mikkel and yes even the husband (who by no means deserves a nap but that's a whole other story) so the TV is off, the house is quiet except for my chosen noise, i'm not yet exhausted from the day, and it's not yet dark out. Tranquility, yes!
  21. Exercise- something about fresh air and change in environmental temperature really helps you snap out of the i'm-so-faqing-tired reality funk
  22. Reading books turned into movies- sometimes I'm so foggy, i just gotta go straight to the movie- which always sucks compared to the book! Yes, i finish the a month or so.
It's the simple things in life.

Monday, May 23, 2016

Photography, take 2

Some recent finds on Max's SD card!
His first set of photos and the story behind his own digicam can be found HERE.
We also didnt have batteries for the longest time, where do you get rechargeable AA's nowadays?

^^ this is his Lego table in the corner of the playroom. Babies and Lego are 
a scary mix and I'm hyper vigilant about cleaning up not only because Mikkel 
can choke on them but also it's so f'ing painful to accidentally step on a piece ^^

^^ he's doing a #fromWhereIStand shot? ^^

^^ FaceTime with lolo ^^

^^ fancy vintage taxi ^^

^^ obligatory construction site ^^

^^ his first ever page of practicing letters ^^

^^ all the women he loves most in his life! aww! ^^

^^ bedtime story ^^

^^ best friend ^^

^^ i love this boy! first selfies!? ^^

Friday, May 13, 2016

Happy Nursing Week!

^^ yep! c/o pinterest ^^

Inspired by a fellow Vancouverite, mom blogger, and RN Andrea from Mama in the City!

You may be surprised to hear this, but nursing was never a dream of mine. I never had much of an exposure to the hospital or heck even the profession as a child- born 1982, broke my leg in the early 90's, and...well...that's basically it! Unlike many Filipino's you may know of, no one in my family were nurses! Bottom line, I had ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA what nurses did when I applied for nursing school. 

In the Spring of 2000, i was 'forced highly encouraged' to choose a path in life at the wee age of 17. I distinctly remember sitting by the lockers with my friends with our Uni applications in hand and trying to decide what in the hell i was going to be when I grew up. Like the typical child of first generation Canadian immigrants, I wasn't to "waste" time and money on the Arts. Moreover, it was unheard of to waste time, money, and momentum on a year off to travel and perhaps discover myself! A child of first generation immigrants was to know what they were going to be, graduate at the fastest amount of time possible, and get a job that is not only a lifetime career, but must be well paid- i know this situation was/is not unique to me, but I digress...

Anyhow, i was sitting in front of the lockers with friends; didnt want to apply for Arts or Science or Forestry (can't remember the other options). Nursing was a small little inconspicuous box, with prerequisites I had already completed. Again, no idea what nurses did despite the Uni's presentation on the faculty, but whatever...I applied! One school, one program, nothing else interested me. Fast forward to late Summer, i got into Nursing school! Whoop whoop (!!) and to my great relief, phew!
The 4 year degree went by super fast. When I graduated, I still hadn't grasped what nurses did! the first 2 years of our degree was to take whatever classes we wanted- possibly to 'grow up.' The last two years went through the summer and we were in the hospital along with needing to attend lectures and labs. I had terms/experiences in many fields and what interested me most was dabbling in a little bit of everything and learning as much acute care as I can so I had the skills to save my family (yes, i really thought this haha). 

I spent 2004-2011 in acute care at one of Vancouver's biggest hospitals- here, in the front line, i learned the scope of registered nursing, how hard they worked and how under appreciated they are. Yet, I loved the skills i learned, love the pace (most of the time), loved the organizing skills and the multitasking abilities i acquired, and most of all the people I met. I did stints in nursing preceptorship, nursing education, and nursing leadership- but at the end of it all, bedside nursing hands on work was my calling. In 2013, I moved up and onto palliative care and completed my Canadian Nurses Association specialty certification. Trust me when I say Palliative care is not all sadness, tears, and suffering. I really appreciate and feel honoured to be at the bedside of someone in the last stages of their life with access to drugs and interventions to alleviate pain and suffering from their illness (pain and suffering due to the actions of a family member(s) is another story!). Also, by being in palliative care i am much more sensitive to the importance of quality of life; individually defined of course. when i go home, i don't bring stress and sadness with me. My children make me appreciate what i have so much more deeply, they exude life (I'm also guilty of excessive shopping because hey, it makes me feel good too ha). 

In summary, although I didnt actively choose to be a nurse, I chose academic paths and had interests that led me to this career. If I had to do it over again, i'd do the exact same thing and heck, maybe actively/inactively inspire one of my children to become one too!

hi, my name is Mitzi, and ill be your nurse- maybe one day!

Happy nursing week!

Tuesday, May 10, 2016

my period!

my first period arrived yesterday after not having a flow since december 2014.
this is not a moment of celebration, i only have words of disdain for this curse.

i can't wait until i can take birth control pills again to ease the heaviness and to make life so much more predictable! but alas, i have to live my life in heavy duty padding for 5-7days a week each month. i wish there was a way to tell my body, 'hey I'm done having kids! i don't want a period anymore!'

on a brighter note, when Mikkel has her period, I'm planning a mom-daughter celebration and tell her all that I know and make her feel comfortable with her flow. my complete feelings of contempt for aunt Flow has to do with lack of knowledge and prep when I was younger and all the embarrassing moments I had to suffer through and learn on my own the hard way. 

melodrama at its finest :) 

Friday, May 6, 2016

Mother's Day!

  1. i am learning to love Max staying up until 11pm wanting me to talk to him in bed while his sister is trying to sleep beside me- one day, he won't want to talk to me
  2. i am learning to love Max become a restless sleeper overnight. Waking me with kicks as he stretches his body, waking me with his arm swinging in my face, waking me with his sweaty head nestled on my shoulder, waking me because he dropped his soothers on the floor and wanting me to get them (in the middle of the night!)- one day he won't want to be there
  3. i love it when he yells, "mommy! mommy! mommy!" when he's ready to wake up from night sleep and naps - one day, i won't be the first person he wants to see
  4. i love when we consult each other and negotiate on meals- trying to make it a lesson to always TRY even though he doesn't have to finish his food, the importance of eating veggies and fruit first, and to incorporate protein and carbs into his diet. that candy is also ok, in moderation (5 skittles is a big deal here!)
  5. i love it when he says, "mommy, i love you for my whole life" or "mommy you're my best friend" or "mommy, i love you" - randomly and often
  6. i love it when he asks me if saying 'bad words' are ok. he asks, "mommy, can i say dumb?" "...can i say butt?" "....can I say fuck?" (lol) over and over again. at this point in our relationship, i don't get mad about it, but I do present it as something I like or dont like and the rationale why it's not a 'good word' in my books. 
  7. i love our special 1:1 time in the evening when Mikkel goes to sleep. sure I'm giving myself ME TIME for a couple of hours a night, but my last 45 minutes are spent with him reading, or colouring, or playing imaginary Avengers scenes
  8. i love that we shower together everyday and i get to expose and teach him what real women look like. Remind him of his belly button, how we're connected, and where he used to live
  9. i love how he's just an amazing fruit eater- i often have to tell him to take it easy
  10. i love how he loves me

  1. I'm learning to love how Mikkel wakes up at the same time of night (like clockwork) when Max and I are in the room. We're better at being quiet when going to bed, but she just knows we're there and wants to join us
  2. i love how Mikkel always needs to touch me when she's asleep. There's always some part of her that is touching me (maybe even a foot) and if i lay her far from me, she makes her way to me within minutes, even when sleepy or sleeping
  3. I'm learning to love that she's using me as a human pacifier to help her get back to sleep. even though i desperately need a solid number of consecutive hours, I'm also just shocked that she's 8 months old and we will be needing a new normal once i head back to work mid september
  4. i love how she looks at me while on the carrier when there is something or someone she is uncertain of - she trusts me wholeheartedly
  5. i love meeting her eyes when I'm distracted by something. her eyes tell me she wants me to take it easy, slow down and pay attention- she will never be this young again
  6. i love how she purposefully (maybe??!) caresses my face - which i think she's trying to say "hey what we're doing is fun. check it out! i love our time together" when we're sitting beside each other or facing each other
  7. i love how she sleeps so soundly on my chest, while on the carrier- even though she's HEAVY!
  8. i love how she can 'tell' me she wants the breast by rubbing her face on my bosom/cleavage, pulling at my shirt, or literally tilting forward pecking at my chest (lol!)
  9. i love that she's just such a happy baby, and her grumpiness is easily deciphered
  10. i love how she loves me
I'm trying to write something about mother's day here, but like the story of my life since mat leave; my thoughts are foggy and the processing of words and ideas are slower. what i do know is that I've never loved any human being more than I do these two. i am humbled by them and the handwork it takes to raise them.

thank you to our mom's
thank you to my friends for being a presence in our lives, it truly takes a village to raise children
thank you to friends with kids who mother one way, and not judge others for mothering a different way
thank you too, to friends who live all over the world some whom I've never even met, but give words of encouragement and inspiration whether warranted or not.

happy mother's day!! 


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